If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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