Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
