We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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