Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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