I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
