I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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