I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
