God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Randomize
