It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
