Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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