I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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