yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
