There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
