i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
