why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
