"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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