When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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