I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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