I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
did i just pee glitter
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
