so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
