Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
