im gay
i know
yea but for you.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
