Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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