Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
