is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
