I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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