Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
