So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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