Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize