well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
