I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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