you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
