guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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