If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
