better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize