in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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