Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
