Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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