She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
