Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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