I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
