this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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