Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
