I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
