At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize