Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
