i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
