So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
