What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
