Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
