I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
