It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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