And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
