I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
