I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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