I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
