I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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