I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
