your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
