Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
