Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
