Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
